Jared is uncomfortably playing Drake of the 99 Dragons.

Drake of the 99 Dragons
Upload Date December 11th 2011
Series ProReview

Score A Bucket of Tears out of ten


Synopsis Edit

This game is legendary for being one of the worst games of all time. Game developer Idol FX and Majesco wanted this game to become huge, with a comic book series of its own. Jared starts showing the game footage and immediately disapproves of the main character. The controls are so bad, that Jared died on the tutorial fight. It plays like a regular shooter, but the camera swings around wildly, making it impossible to aim.

Jared shows some game footage to demonstrate how the lock-on system barely works. The graphics are terrible, even though the developers claim it was cell-shaded it doesn't look like it is. The cut scenes are also terrible. If the mechanics weren't already bad enough, Drake learns how to walk on walls, which doesn't work with the already floaty controls. Jared discusses the worthless bullet-time mechanic, which is difficult to use, and is worthless.

Jared finds a buggy level where the player has to follow blood trails. Dying has the worst mechanic, as rather than re-spawning at the start of the level, the player has a ten second re-spawn time in the Spirit Garden, where the Spirit Gods insult the player. The guy Jared was chasing bugs out and is stuck in a wall, but Jared has to ignore him because of how glitchy the game is, and has to simply go to the end of the level.

Drake has died for the third time in this game so far. Drake's assassin tactics are awful. He's not stealthy, he goes into fights guns blazing, and throws his guns onto the ground and pulls out new ones rather than reloading. The guns would be covered in his fingerprints. How could he not have been caught yet. Drake gets new abilities again, only this time, whenever Jared tried to use them, they did nothing at all adding to the growing total of useless abilities.

The game is almost impossible to play as Drake gets hit by one of many falling boxes, only to be half pushed through the ground. Drake dies two more times for a total of 5 so far. Jared has stopped caring about the plot at this point after two dudes start beating up a whale, followed by Drake awakening in his old body in a morgue. Jared continues to explain the story, only to find multiple new plot holes and nonsense in the cut-scenes and Jared's head starts hurting.

Then a sewer level is played, and for some reason it is full of lasers and landmines - why have this entrance to a lair in the first place? Jared kills a purple-haired chick because she gets stuck in a wall. Jared doesn't even want to think about how the killing of a hologram works. A platforming level in the Spirit Hallway starts, and Jared reveals that the jumping mechanics are also bad, and Drake can now re-spawn at the point that he died! Why hasn't this happened for the entire game?

It's obvious that the developers were getting bored and started reusing assets at this point. In the final boss, every terrible mechanic has to be used, and Jared died at least 55 times just to get mocked by the gods every time. Somehow, Jared killed the stupid boss, and the game ends.

There are no redeeming factors of this game. The graphics and voice acting are terrible, the game design is unfinished, it is full of bugs and glitches, the controls don't work and it is not a fun game. It is BAD. Jared urges people to not even look at it if they find it in a store. If someone wants to actually play it, they should find any game they own, and beat themselves over the head with it for six hours.