Jared plays High Seas Trader. A game no one has ever heard of.

High Seas Trader
Upload Date November 7th 2015
Series ProReview

Score A sparkler out of ten

Synopsis Edit

High Seas Trader has stuck with Jared since he played it as a kid. He's not sure why, as this isn't really a children's game. High Seas Trader was made by Impressions for the DOS, and Jared struggles to find a well known game from them.

He doesn't even know how he came across this game, but Jared thinks he borrowed it from his brother's friend, and never gave it back. For once, Jared was that kid! The game shows how badass mid-90's it is by having 3D text that looks nothing like the box just to show off.

Jared discusses the plot of the game, and calls his ship Bagoom. Jared hired everyone he could right away. The first thing he did when he played this game as a kid was to screw Europe, and go to America! And mutiny!

Now, Jared can play the game properly. Sailing around is similar to Elder Scrolls games. It is cool at first, but soon gets boring. It can be soothing sailing to nearby ports. Jared discusses helmsman, which come with different skill levels. If you get someone who is bad, they keep on getting hit into rocks! Jared is angry at the idiot who keeps hitting rocks, and wonders why they aren't being mutinied. The captain being mutinied has a picture of PBG on it!

The goal is to become as wealthy as possible. As Jared discusses how to succeed, he gets a bigger ship which he names "Super Bagoom". Jared likes this kind of gameplay. He finds it relaxing. So many other games are about killing things to get money. This kind of gameplay holds up really well and can be compared to Harvest Moon or Aerobiz. Anyone know what Aerobiz is?

Jared found that the easiest way of getting money is guns! Instant profit. It's also possible to help other people. You kind of have to, as there are statistics that are required. Jared discusses them.

Jared raises his daring stat by fighting pirates! Young Jared loved the sea battles. It looked so real, and every enemy ship has a single pixel floating above them that the developers forgot to fix! Each shot feels like a victory, and every shot you miss sounds like a turd falling into the toilet. When the ships get close, the crew board each others ship and fight - but it's all automated. This is a letdown after how good the ship battle is.

Jared tells a story about how he found a ship that was much smaller than his, tries to attack. After firing one ship, the little ship that could turned around and ran. They once again attacked, and they all died, and Jared took their stuff!

That's about all to it. Jared talks about being able to purchase estate, and the best estate costs 742000 gold. Jared struggled to have 40000. So Jared went to buy Opium! He sold it in the east indies, and made 80000 gold each run selling opium! Jared realizes that he has become a drug lord! Nice.

Treasures can be found randomly around the word. Including the Mona Lisa. When the player rank up, their stats reset to zero! This feels like the game is setting the player back. Jared couldn't beat the game. He decides to set his own goals. Jared goes to find Santa Claus! And mutiny!

Jared enjoyed parts of it. It doesn't stay fun for long. It starts off really fun, just like a sparkler. For a very brief time. The game doesn't evolve. The beginning of the game is the same as the end. The player must set their own goals, but there isn't all that much to do. This game discourages pirating, but there are so many, and Jared can see why. The game isn't really worth playing today. A sparkler isn't really fun until you start twirling it around, and that's what Jared did.

Jared shoots Liverpool!

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