Jared beats Ganon and finishes the series.

Shooting TEN ARROWS! ¦ Zelda: Link to the Past RANDOMIZED FINALE
Upload Date September 22nd 2016
Series Zelda: Link to the Past RANDOMIZED


Synopsis Edit

Jared is heading to Ganon's tower. He hopes he doesn't need the mirror shield. Lank arrives at the castle. "Lank! Your crystals want to dance!" Jared doesn't remember this dungeon very well. He chooses the left door because good adventurers always go left.

He finds a key immediately. He finds 4 chests containing $100, $50, $20 and $1. Ganon is rich! Jared can't throw bombs over walls, so he has to go back to the previous room to activate the switch. He gets stuck by standing on a wall. Jared is forced to go to the room to the right. He struggles to stand on the teleporter.

Jared hookshots to a chest and finds $100. Every element used in the game will now be used. Jared is lost. "Good adventurers always go left! You just told us that 5 minutes ago!" Jared calls out his own stupidity, so the viewers don't have to!

The next room has an invisible floor. Jared uses a medallion to find the correct path. He makes his way across. He then discovers that he could have simply lit a torch! He finds a fairy, and is low on magic. Jared jump into a hole, and finds the level 1 boss and shoots them with arrows. Jared finds a map, $100 and the big key in chests.

Jared can go straight to the boss. Jared discovers the big chest, which contains a piece of heart. Jared finds the mirror shield and another key! Jared navigates across a spiked room, and decides to use the bow as much as he can. A spike trap takes the arrow for an enemy. Jared realizes that he can't block lasers. Jared releases enemies and fights poorly against them. He runs away and heads to the next room and runs a cannon gauntlet. Jared bounces off a wall and blows up a wall and finds two fairies.

Jared battles through rooms filled with ice and lasers. Jared fights the worms. Jared finds that he can reflect wizrobe attacks, but it doesn't kill them. Jared uses the Staff of Samaria to light a group of torches, only to fall off after lighting the last one.

Jared tries to light torches with bombos, which does not work. Jared gets pushed off the ledge while lighting torches. Jared finds more keys and the compass in chests. Jared throws a bomb onto a moving floor to open a door. Jared finds a piece of heart in a chest, which gives him a new heart. Jared fights the caterpiller boss (Moldorm), only to be instantly thrown off the edge. He laughs at his failure. After defeating Moldorm, Jared finds the last bottle - which has a bee in it!

Jared arrives in the room against Agahnim. Jared deflects his attacks back. Agahnim is defeated and Ganon comes out. Ganon kamikazes into the tower, and Jared prepares to fight him.

Jared wishes he could have beaten the game without the mirror shield. Jared arrives at a rat shop. "Just spend your dollars! You're about to finish the game you cheap ass!" Jared is almost attacked by a bee.

Jared follows Ganon. "You know what I think of you Lank? I think your a little fatty! And your in the friend zone with Zelda!" Jared is offended by Ganon's speech. "Because I'm evil, duh! Also your mom is a big dumb dumb! Yeah! I said it!" Jared stabs Ganon. The floor begins to fall away. "Also you smell like butts! And you pink hair is stupid." <yes, it says you pink hair> Jared falls off the edge.

Jared is wrong, and has to start the entire battle over again. "I bet you didn't know I'm an expert mason. Look! I've already rebuilt the floor!" Ganon's trident deals a lot of damage. Jared uses his bee to fight Ganon. Jared is hit and is killed, but is revived by a fairy. Jared dies again moments later. Jared apologizes.

Jared gets another sample of red goop. "Sup! More red goop comin' right up!" Jared fills his bottles with red goop. Jared goes back to Ganon. "Welcome back! Fatty!" Jared tries to not get touched - but gets hit by the pitchfork. The floor starts to fall. "I could beat up your dad!" He uses his potions for safety. Jared lights up the torches and misses his opportunities to hit Ganon. After several more tries, he wins. Jared holds his invisible sword up alongside Lank.

The game is finished, and Jared is interested in what the triforce has to say. "Uhhhhhh... It says Lank something something something." "Probably talking about how nice those curtains are." "Seriously, those things are dope." "The triforce actually foes under the transulcent one!" "That's baller curtain tech 101!" Jared comments how wacky and cool this playthrough was. "It's still just going on and on about these curtains." "Sadly it isn't the tri force of wisom, power, and public speaking."

Jared wonders if there is a randomizer for the first Zelda. Jared makes a wish for 10 arrows. Arrows fly down from the top of the screen as sirens play. Jared lets the ending play out. Jared sees a thief opening chests, and wants them. Jared's life lesson from the zoras is 10 arrows! Jared remembers being so dumb for not going into the witch's hut! Inside the cut down tree was a single arrow! The bug catching kid somehow held onto a moon pearl.

Jared took the forest thief's stuff! The master sword still sleeps because Jared didn't pick it up! It still sleeps until the next game, and the game after that, and the game after that! Jared wraps it up as the credits roll.

Ganon's conversation with Lank Edit

"What is this shit! I didn't even get a credit roll?"

"Yeah, that was kinda strange."

"That bitch Venus had one!"

"Well she is. Ya know."


"No a good guy."

"Well then how come the other gairy didn't get one?"

"Who? Butter face?"

"Hey! That's not very nice, some good guy you are."

"No no no, she actually has butter on her face."


Jared's comments during the credits Edit

Jared puts comments on the credits at the end of the game.

Game Text Jared's Text Game Text Notes
The Return of the King Is not the best LOTR book. Hyrule Castle
The Loyal priest Voted the least memorable place in Hyrule. Sanctuary
Sahasralah's Homecoming Also bird friend's Don't forget about bird friend! Kakariko Town Jared points out the bird, and the text changes to "Thank you"
Vultures rule the desert It's better with punctuation! Desert Palace Jared puts an '!' after rule, and a '.' after desert.
The bully makes a friend Both are still ugly. Very very ugly Mountain Tower
Your uncle recovers He totally isn't a shapeshifting spy sent by Ganon or anything. Your house
Life lesson for sale Don't trust the editor when he says its his last air horn!!!!!!! Zora's Waterfall Jared plays an airhorn moments later when he learns his life lesson about airhorns
The witch and assistant She still got a big fuckin' nose. Magic shop
Twin lumberjacks Only cut down one tree in the time it took Lank to save the world. Woodsmen's hut
Ocarina boy plays again And yet they call it a flute the rest of the fucking game! Haunted Grove
Venus. Queen of faeries Her puddle is still dirty Wishing well
The dwarven swordsmiths Still making the dopest garlic bread imaginable. God speed dwarves! Smithery
The bug-catching kid Or in this play through, Moon Pearl kid. Kakariko Town
The lost old man Still high as fuck. Mainly because he is on a mountain. That joke was elevated. Seriously though he is above the clouds. That's a big fucking mountain! Death Mountain
The forest thief Still a fucking asshole. Lost woods
And the master sword

(in green) sleeps again...

Hey fuck off green text! That's my spot! Fine what ever. You can have this one. Forever! The green text covers where Jared would have his text, so Jared's text has to be off to the side.

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