Jared reviews a bunch of beat-em up games including Sonic Blast Man, Sonic Blast Man II, Zombie Revenge, King of the Monsters 2, and Captain America and the Avengers.

Sonic Blast Man II
Upload Date April 24th 2014
Series ProReview

Score none of the games in this video has a score

Synopsis Edit

Jared likes beat-em up games for their simplicity. Jared lists some of the best beat-em ups and mentions his favorites are the Dungeons & Dragons games.

There are some great beat-em ups that not many people talk about, like Captain America and the Avengers. Jared rented the NES version as a kid. You can play as Captain America, Iron Man and Hawkeye - but nobody wants to play as Vision. This game is so hard to not be hit by things, and enemies get invincibility time when they get hit too. Every character makes the same groaning "NO!" when they get knocked down, and Jared finds this hilarious. Jared discusses each character's tactics (except Vision because no one cares), and considers Iron Man to be the best as he just floats around shooting everyone. This game isn't very good, and Jared only got to the second stage on the SNES version. He did beat it in the arcade - when it was on freeplay.

Another beat-em up game that Jared rented as a kid is King of the Monsters 2. The first one is more of a wrestling game. It was lame. The second one is a co-operative beat-em up. The fighting is similar to the first game, but they now have a lifebar, so players have to kill the bosses. The stages are stupidly short, and most enemies can just be skipped over. Each character has their own styles too. Astro Guy has a nice butt. Super Geon is the coolest with his gruesome biting move. Another one of his moves involve ripping out his own horn and using it to stab people. The geography of the game was a little wrong - Jared tried to go to the Grand Canyon, but ended up in Los Angeles. Dying looked cool too.

Jared switches to the sweet Zombie Revenge. Players run around, punch, kick and shoot zombies. The versus mode is stupid. The main character's name is Stick Brightling. This guy has a name that is desperately trying to sound cool. The voice acting is also hilariously terrible - and the lip syncing is "Brilliant".

Jared also rented Sonic Blast Man II a lot as a kid. Sonic Blast Man 1 kind of sucks. The gameplay is very slow, but the punching is pretty fast. He gets dizzy from using his own special move, a spinning attack. Jared is disappointed that the D-punch does not involve punching a dude in the dick. Jared is fine with games using comic book words, but "Bagoom!"? The gameplay feels stale fairly quickly, as there aren't any weapons to pick up like in Final Fight. Some of the grapple throws are funny to watch because they don't even look like he's trying to throw them.

The sequel is way better. It has multiplayer and more characters. Jared wonders why beat-em ups always make the females weaker but faster. The character designs are stupid. They look like the cartoons that are trying to sell toys - only without a cartoon - or toys.

Jared breaks down the awful costume that Sonic Blast Man wears (he has a clock on his chest?), and decides that he could come up with a better costume with the stuff in his closet. So he appears dressed like an idiot, and calls himself 'Embarrassed'! The gameplay is a lot faster here than in the first game. The enemies and bosses are uninspired - one of which looks like it was stolen from Mega Man. Jared discusses the special attacks, and Sonic Blast Man always says "I'm fighting for freedom!" when using his. Jared makes a gag involving him asking Sonic Blast Man what he is doing, to which Sonic Blast Man replies with "I'm fighting for freedom!" He asks Ike (in Smash Bros), who says he fights for his friends. He asks if Captain America if he has anything to add, who groans "NO!" Jared likes this game, even though it isn't the best and is always overlooked.

All of the games he just talked about are all worth playing again - except for Captain America.

Trivia Edit

  • This is the origin of the 'Bagoom' gag that Jared occasionally references. Bagoom has gone on to become the name Jared uses for when he needs a name for a character.
  • This is the first time that Jared has done a ProReview without a score.

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